3 months ago
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With over four decades in the literary space, Sola Fosudo’s name resounds when it comes to acting. The trained dramatist of Obafemi Awolowo University, Ile-Ife, and the University of Ibadan, is also a critic, scholar, and film director. The recipient of the ‘Legend of Nollywood Awards’ speaks with Victoria Edeme, about his fatherhood journey
When you reflect on your experiences as a father, how would you describe fatherhood?
Fatherhood is both the art and act of raising children. It begins with bringing children into the world, and then raising, training, educating, and guiding them in the way of God. It also involves helping them understand the principles of living a successful life, teaching them to be independent, figure out what they want to do in life, and how to go about it. For me, that is the duty of a father and the essence of fatherhood.
How many children do you have, and what do you love most about being a father?
I have four children, although, in Yoruba culture, we typically don’t discuss the number of children we have. What I love most about being a father is the joy of having children around, particularly when they are young. All of them are adults now and are in their own spaces.
When they were young, I cherished having them around the table with my wife to share meals. I remember driving them to primary school every morning back then. They all attended boarding school and also lived on campus while in the university.
The joy of having children is one of the greatest blessings from God. Some people are desperately seeking children, so if God blesses you, just be very grateful because their presence brings a lot of joy and fulfilment.
This is one of the fundamental purposes of life. When a child grows up and has a job, house, car, spouse, and children, and has the means to care for the family, it contributes significantly to the happiness of the overall family, especially if they are also blessed with good health. These are just some wonderful aspects of family life.
How has your approach to fatherhood evolved?
Life is so intricate and interesting that the actions you take at one stage may be reversed in another. When my children were young, they took instructions from me. I would tell them what to do and what I thought was best for their training and development, and they would listen.
However, as they grew up, they began to think independently and make their own choices about what they wanted to do. Sometimes, they have different opinions and views on some of the things I tell them, and I have no choice but to listen to them as well.
As adults, it’s not that they don’t listen to me, but they have a good degree of independence to figure out what they want in life. I can’t continue to dominate their lives with my choices. They are all adults and three of them are married. One is in America with his family, another is in the UK with his family, and the third is in Nigeria with his family. The last one is yet to get married. Since they have their own families, they are now taking on the same responsibilities I once had. It’s a cycle, and that is the beauty of life.
Is there a difference between how you were raised and your parenting style?
When I was young, I was sent to live with my uncle in Ogun State. He was a headmaster. Living with a headmaster significantly influenced my upbringing and development.
There were certain levels of social behaviour and discipline expected of children living with a headmaster. I always went with him wherever he was posted to within the state. I was in primary school then. When I went to secondary school, I attended a boarding house.
My children, however, did not live with any uncle or aunty. They lived with me and my wife until they went to boarding school.
During the holidays, they came back home, and we shared many interesting moments as a family. That’s the difference. I believe some of the training I received from my uncle also influenced how I raised my children.
I learnt a lot from my uncle in terms of good social behaviour, discipline, and being studious.
Living with a headmaster meant having a timetable for reading and schoolwork, which made me very studious and this positively affected my educational pursuits.
I attended a Catholic school, where the training was instrumental to my worldview, my children’s upbringing, and my belief in God. I ensured that my children also went to Catholic schools.
This contributed significantly to their training. Attending a good school teaches proper behaviour, and coming from a good Christian family that upholds values such as honesty, forthrightness, and social decorum reinforces this.
When children imbibe these values from their family, whether the one they grew up in or the one they are building, it greatly contributes to their success.
What part of your parenting experience was most challenging?
Life itself is a challenge, and we are here to solve challenges and provide solutions. Even before you become a father, you face challenges as a young man.
When you get married and before you begin to have children, some challenges come up in the marriage. When you have children, there are more challenges, such as coping with bills, settling school fees, and providing food and housing for everyone.
I was not scrounging or scratching for resources, as I was blessed with the work I do. I was not superlatively rich, but I wasn’t poor.
The challenges were just the normal ones you solve as they grow. Even though my children are not living with me now, as I am more or less living alone with my wife, we still face all kinds of challenges.
We are nearing old age now, so we are now encountering different types of challenges. As they arise, you seek solutions and carry on with life. There is nothing so challenging that it is overwhelming. There is no challenge that one can’t handle.
One of the challenges I faced was when my third son went to a university in England, and we had to pay through the nose. We had to pay several millions. It was a significant challenge, but God provided.
How did you determine it was the right time to start a family?
There was no script we followed. I got married, and natural events led to pregnancy and having babies. We didn’t have a meeting about how things should go; it just happened. It happened naturally, as God intended.
Can you share the love story that blossomed into marriage with your wife?
We were both studying at the University of Ibadan, and one thing led to another. At the time we met in school, we were not quite sure of our relationship at first. We just kept on being friends. The relationship became cemented when we went to Sierra Leone. We took a play from UI to Sierra Leone in 1984 or so. One of the PhD students at UI at that time was a Sierra Leonean, and he had some degree of influence with the British Council in Freetown.
They agreed that we should bring the play “Farewell to a Cannibal Rage” by Femi Osofisan to Sierra Leone. It was during one of the social evenings that my wife and I got close. We started talking and dancing, and that’s where it began—in a foreign land. Even though we had been together at UI for over a year, nothing happened during that time. But when we went to Sierra Leone, we returned to Nigeria as lovers.
What year did you get married?
I got married in 1989. We were in a relationship for about four to five years. After completing our first degrees, we both went for our Master’s degrees at UI. During the programme, she became pregnant, and we began making arrangements, meeting with respective families, and preparing for the wedding.
How did you feel about going to be a father for the first time?
I was excited. When she told me, I assured her that we would have the baby and get married. We then approached her parents, who knew me well from our years together. By then, we were well-known as a couple throughout UI. She had concerns about completing her Master’s degree, but we discussed it and agreed on a plan. We began working towards getting family approvals for the marriage ceremony.
Can you recall how you felt holding your first child in your arms?
It was a feeling of joy, fulfilment, and satisfaction. I felt thankful to God for the blessing of a child. It was a significant moment in both my life and that of my wife. I’m sure she was also excited and happy. The first child was a boy. It was a moment to appreciate God.
Were there any habits that you had to give up as a father?
I’m not sure I had any terrible habits before becoming a parent, so there were none that I had to drop. As a young man, I was sociable and used to attending parties. We were known as the Glamour Boys of Nigeria at Niteshift, a nightclub in Ikeja where actors and journalists like Zeb Ejiro, Reuben Abati, Mayor Akinpelu, and musicians regularly gathered to have a good time.
However, I didn’t engage in anything overtly mischievous or harmful to my health. I didn’t smoke, although I enjoyed a moderate amount of wine and drinks.
I wasn’t a womanizer, though I wasn’t perfect either.
By the time I started a family, my children saw me living a life of moderation, seriousness, focus, and commitment to family, work, responsibilities, and God. People need to live a balanced life without unnecessary excitement.
I try to remain calm by the grace of God and avoid unnecessary running or jumping around. I don’t chase after worldly things as if they were my god because I have only one God, who is in heaven.
If I’m looking for something and don’t find it, I move on and continue with my life. God has blessed me abundantly and He allowed me to engage in various activities rather than sitting idle in one place.
After welcoming your kids, did you continue nightclubbing?
I can’t recall precisely, but nightclubbing was a phase of life. At some point, it became perhaps unnecessary to continue. It was mainly a time to socialise with friends at a prestigious club, where there was music, dancing, and visits from many prominent people. We frequented the Glamour Boys section, reserved for senior citizens.
Do your children follow in your career footsteps?
They pursued their paths. My eldest son is a mechanical engineer, while the second is actively involved in Nollywood as an actor, writer, and producer. My third son is based in the UK, where he works. My daughter is in the entertainment industry and is a fashionista and social media influencer, though not in Nollywood.
Have you worked with your son on set before?
I’ve been invited to collaborate with him on a few occasions. There was a year that I produced a TV series for a microfinance bank, and he joined me as a writer and actor in that project. If there’s an opportunity to work with him again, why not? It feels natural.
I also view other younger people I work with as my children too. I teach and work with young students whom I’ve trained. I once directed a play and invited him to act in it.
He has also written scripts and some of his plays were produced at UI when he was in school, and I attended. I’m delighted to contribute to his progress and development in the profession. Working together is something I take pride in and find happiness in. I look forward to more collaborations and opportunities to work together.
What approach did you use to discipline your children?
As their father, I know how to enforce discipline. I don’t believe in physical punishment. I never have. Children observe and learn from their parents. They understand the values you demonstrate through your actions and words.
Regular church attendance and praying together help them grow and live uprightly. Thankfully, I haven’t had many instances where shouting or quarrelling was necessary. When issues arise, we discuss and resolve them through dialogue.
English (US) ·