Comparing your family members with others

One of the most commonly used methods of discipline among parents is the use of comparison. It is a great misconception on the part of parents that when they compare their children with others, it would make them behave in a better way.

Nobody likes being unfavourably compared with another person. It reduces the self-esteem of the person being compared.Parents should not compare their children with others in terms of behaviour, educational performance and other aspects of the child’s life. Some parents use words like, “can’t you see that child. He is very well behaved’’ or “your friend that came first in class, has he two heads’’ or “your mates can cook and you can’t.” All these words discourage the children. And this is the exact opposite of what the parents want to achieve.

Comparison never brings out the best in anybody. Instead, pick prominent figures and lovingly tell your children to emulate some of the character traits of these great figures. Tell them how these great men and women had to study hard at school, do domestic chores, behave respectfully, among others before they attained greatness. This is what is called teaching.

Teaching makes a child to want to have the courage to improve while comparison makes a child feel discouraged. Do not discourage your children with comparisons; build them up instead.

There is, therefore, great destructiveness in comparing your children among themselves or with other children. Now, let us talk about the effects of comparing your spouse with another person. In a bid to say hurtful words, some spouses go as far as comparing themselves with others. It can scatter a marriage.

Some women will tell their husbands words like, “see your mate has bought a car, what have you done for us.’’ Others may compare their husband’s income, level of expenditure, physical assets and the rest with that of other men.

Some men on the other hand may go as far as comparing their wives’ physical appearance with that of other women. A man found himself in trouble when he shouted at his wife and said to her, “why can’t you dress well and make yourself as beautiful as Mrs. James (not real name)?” The wife who felt hurt concluded that her husband was admiring the woman he compared her with.

The point I am making is that comparison in any form is wrong. No man would appreciate being compared with another man, neither would a woman like to be compared with a fellow woman.

Comparing your spouse with anotherwill never encourage him/her to change. Instead, it will discourage him/her.
Scientists have proved that no two persons have the same fingerprints. Even if they are identical twins, their fingerprints will be different from each other.This proves that God made each person different and unique. No two people are the same. Each person is uniquely different and beautifully made.

Understanding this fact will discourage us from comparing our looks and physical appearance with others. Let us learn to teach in humility and in love and not to attack with comparisons. Love you!