Consider your husband before your grandchildren abroad – Cleric advises grandmas

Older married women have been advised not to allow travelling abroad to care for their grandchildren to break the union they had enjoyed over the years with their husbands.

Pastor Simeon Akanji of the Potters House Christian Mission, Ibadan, gave the advice at a Family Service organised by the Trinity Council Mission on Sunday.

Mr Akanji, the guest minister at the special service, addressed the increasing scenario of older men being left alone in the country because their wives travel abroad to raise their grandchildren.

According to him, the husband and wife are meant to grow together and be able to let their children know they cannot separate them.

“If the children have this knowledge, they will find it challenging to introduce the idea of ‘let mummy come and let’s leave baba behind in Nigeria. “Travelling to raise or care for the grandchildren is insufficient for separation aid.

Mr Akanji berated the situation in which a 70-year-old man was seen struggling in the kitchen because the children had invited his wife over to care for their grandchildren.

“At that age, if the man is not helped, he could be tempted into sinning with the opposite sex, especially with younger ones,” he said.

Necessary conditions

He cited an example of a family where the mother insisted she wouldn’t leave him behind if the father were not travelling with her.

“The woman told her daughter, ‘ If you are not going to give me a visa and my husband to come together, then leave me alone; take care of yourself over there. Eventually, the daughter agreed. She spoke to her husband, and they arranged for her father and mother to come together,” he said.

He, therefore, counselled that if the woman must travel at all costs, she should give adequate consideration to the husband.

“For God’s sake, let her not leave Baba behind to start all over again. And I say that the life graph is both parabola and hyperbola. So, where they began is where they will still come back to. They started as two; they will still end up as two,” he said.

The cleric also advised couples not to allow third parties to tamper with the oneness of the family.

“Perhaps they came in to settle a crisis; once it’s been resolved, they should withdraw and allow the couple to come together as one,” he said.

Japa syndrome

He advised that they tread cautiously regarding the ‘japa syndrome’ commonly experienced among younger couples.

“The economic situation of this country has created many challenges at home, seriously affecting families. But how do we fulfil the instruction and the injunction of the word of God that we read and that says they must be together?

“Although the Bible says no man should separate them, we now look at situations such as economic stress in the country and various challenges forcing many people to travel out. Sadly, separation creates vulnerabilities, just as in the days of Adam and Eve, where a slight separation created a loophole for the serpent to penetrate through Eve into their home. I, therefore, advise young couples to ensure they are being led to travel by God,” he said.

According to him, God can complete whatever he initiates.

‘‘Having prayed, they should also make arrangements such that the two of them can go together, and if only one will go, it requires wisdom. Wisdom in the sense that there should be an agreement that if things do not go as planned in the UK or wherever he has travelled, let him return home to stay with the spouse he left behind.

It’s a serious challenge, for even if the wife travels first, the truth is that coping alone in a strange land is always tricky. To avoid this separation, let them pray and know whether the Lord is leading them to go. If it is not the Lord, they should not allow circumstances to push them to travel,” he said.

(NAN)