INTERVIEW: Why most men can’t last more than one minute – Sexpert

Sexual dissatisfaction is one of the most prominent allegations given by women on social media after a break-up.

You hear statements like, “He is a one-minute man, someone that cannot have an erection; I order herbs for him, even to get him to drink the herbs is chaos.”

We have seen this play out time and time again from celebrities and regular folks online, and some even come with ‘receipts’ of them begging their partners to take herbs to perform better in ‘the other room’.

Then people go, “But you have a child/children,” he got you pregnant” and so on.

Getting a woman pregnant does not mean a woman is sexually satisfied or fulfilled in a union. They are different issues. Women now read and know that they could have more satisfaction from sex and are willing to get that pleasure anyhow and at any cost.

How many women know what squirting, orgasm means? How many are sexually fulfilled? How many share their unmet expectations with their partners?

Many married couples struggle to openly discuss the topic of sex, despite its importance in a relationship, a silence that can lead to dissatisfaction and unhappiness, cheating, resentment and ultimately, a breakup.

Open communication about sexual preferences, hormonal changes, and frequency of sex, which is crucial for building a healthy and fulfilling sex life, often gets neglected.

In an exclusive interview with PREMIUM TIMES, Coach Harrison Tito, a sex expert, emphasised the importance of regular sex. He also elaborated on his perspective on sex positions, tips for enjoying sex, how hormones can affect a woman’s libido, facts behind orgasm and squirting, and improving sexual stamina.

Excerpts:

PT: How does your wife feel about the nature of your job?

Mr Harrison: My wife comes from a solid Christian background—she was a pastor at the university, and her late father was not just an ordinary reverend but also the chairman of the marriage counselling Lagos State chapter of the Church of God Mission. Her mother is also a reverend, and her younger brother is a pastor. About 80 per cent of her friends are devoted Christians, including pastors, one of whom was a prominent figure in Ukraine before the war, overseeing the country’s second-largest church.

Despite this background, she supports my initiative to discuss sex education. Before I started, I sought her permission, acknowledging that marriage isn’t just about me being the head of the family; I am just a partner in that marriage. The head of this marriage is the will of God, with Christ being the head.

Now, how does my wife feel? When I went to meet her, I asked her, Can I talk about sex education? Because I am having a leading to talk about it. The first question she asked me was, will you be positive or negative? I said ‘positive’.

She said, “How do you mean?” I said, “My goal is to educate husbands and wives on how to satisfy each other. So that satisfaction can be guaranteed. So they will be fulfilled, which can lead to the fulfilment of the commandment that says, Thou shalt not commit adultery, Exodus 20:14”.

PT: In what ways has your wife supported you?

Mr Harrison: When I started talking about this, if you check my videos, that made me go viral very fast, to grow very fast; on the board where they wrote things on sexualisation, all of those topics, she wrote those things. That’s how much support I have gotten for her. So, in case you don’t know, she also handles counselling for couples who need help.

It is a family vision. She doesn’t want to show her face because not everybody wants to be in the public eye. She is a family-oriented person; I am a public-driven person.

PT: You used to be a filmmaker. Why did you switch to a sex therapist?

Mr Harrison: Yes, I’m still a filmmaker. I’ve been a filmmaker for 23 years. And I still make movies. I’m only transiting from just making movies for people behind the scenes, shooting for them, editing for them, behind the scenes, to being the person who owns a production outfit.

PT: Can you share practical tips to enjoy sex as wives?

Mr Harrison: So, one of those things that you need to do is to cherish the moment, relax, let go of resentment, regardless of the quarrel you had yesterday, forget about the issues, and try to forgive and forget because that makes a lot of women to want to withdraw or not participate so much in the whole act.

No man is perfect. Don’t assume another person will satisfy you better. Take your man the way he is. Teach him if he listens. Encourage open communication in marriage. Don’t let shame silence you. Don’t have sex just to have children. Don’t allow religion to stand in the way of you connecting deeply with your partner.

It is good to be a faithful person. It is good to serve your God. But at the same time, God established marriage. So please, balance your work life, your religious life, and your marital life. So that way, you will be a plus to that marriage, and your husband will remain grateful.

PT: How frequently should married couples have sex? Daily, weekly? Please tell us and share how it can be achieved.

Mr Harrison: Honestly, it depends on what is convenient for them. It’s a matter of preference, but it should be helpful because it creates room for connection and bonding. Sadly, some couples lack intimacy in their relationships or marriages, missing out on a deeper connection. Intercourse should be a way to connect with your partner. Couples who are emotionally connected and intentionally nurture intimacy enjoy deeper bonds. If you have sex often, you can reduce the risk of prostate cancer and help women enjoy their youth.

So I feel it should be often, but if you want to do it daily, it can clash with your productivity. Some people can have intercourse and reach a point of no return, like climax or ejaculate three times before stepping out of the house in the morning because they may want to go two rounds. At the same time, some may want to go one round.

However, if you go two or three rounds before you step out of the house, the implication can be that you may start sleeping on your way to work. It can also affect your concentration and productivity because you have overstressed. But if it is one round, it can go a long way and also give you the chance to have more energy to do other productive things. Every day may not be recommended, but as often as possible.

Three times a week can help. But my best advice is that if couples want to make out, they should do it after a good rest when they have woken up. It will help them perform better because stress can reduce their performance and the opportunity to enjoy what they are doing.

PT: Can childbirth affect a woman’s libido? How can it be boosted?

Mr Harrison: If a woman is having a drop in her desire to have intercourse, that can be as a result of a change in hormones, that can be as a result of the challenges she’s going through, or she’s overwhelmed with too much work. So, if a woman is stressed, unhappy in a relationship, unfulfilled, has work challenges, has an age factor, or if her hormones have changed, that can affect her libido. It’s not just childbirth that can result in that. To boost her libido, she should prioritise natural methods without side effects. She can also engage in regular exercise, which can enhance blood flow and circulation, cardiovascular health, and promote a desire for intercourse. That can make her body crave secretion and make her body want to enjoy intercourse.

Another way she can increase this is by increasing her intake of spinach. She can also increase the amount of natural fruit she consumes. But be careful because a lot of people don’t know that there are fruits now that are made of plastic. There are also now watermelons without seeds that are genetically modified.

If a woman is going through trauma or stressed, it can significantly diminish her desire for intercourse. If her husband is abusive or not supportive of house chores, enjoyment becomes less important to her. To boost a woman’s libido, a man should support her by sharing chores to reduce her stress. Also, ageing can naturally decrease interest, but expressing and showing love is essential when you continue to love a partner.

But in situations where a woman’s libido is dropping, rather than demanding or forcing intimacy, understanding and adapting new ways to express love can help restore intimacy.

PT: Is it possible to squirt and not attain orgasm?

Mr Harrison: I can tell you that the first time I made a girl squirt was way back in school; I was confused, and the girl was confused. At first, I thought she was urinating. So, I wondered why she didn’t take an excuse to urinate. I didn’t even know it was what I was going to celebrate. That is how much I realised that a lot of people don’t even know what it means to squirt or to reach orgasm.

A lot of people are bragging about how they squirt a lot and can make a woman squirt. Sadly, so many people cannot make a woman squirt, and you cannot blame a woman for it.

These things don’t happen often because most men are not patient. So the reason so many women are not squirting or having orgasms is strictly because a lot of men are in a hurry to plug it into charge like they want to charge their phones.

Many men’s mindset about intercourse prevents women from reaching orgasm or squirting, causing strain in marriages. To improve this, I advise every man to spend at least 20 minutes romancing a woman.

My recommendation is for you to do it for 25 minutes. If you can be patient enough to do it for 20 minutes, it’s going to make the woman mentally ready for intercourse. A woman is willing to make love to you, but that does not mean she’s mentally prepared.

Romancing your wife for about 20 minutes while doing bodywork can motivate her. Surprisingly, even after a decade of marriage, some men still don’t know that if you put your tongue in your wife’s ear or left nipple, that is when you will be surprised that she will start squirting.

Look out for what triggers her emotions and what makes her respond in a way that makes you feel you need to intensify your effort or reduce the pressure to increase the pleasure. Most men don’t ask women for what they want. It is possible that all she needs is for you to cuddle her. It will surprise you that by just cuddling her and kissing her neck, she will release.

PT: Are you saying a woman can squirt and not attain orgasm?

Mr Harrison: Now, you see the funny part? Separating the two of them would take a lot of work. I was intentional in not separating them—very, very intentional. It’s not like I was talking off-point.

The reason is that if I emphasised separating them, I guess what would happen? A woman will be on a mission looking for A and the man will be on a mission looking for B. The woman will be looking for squirting while the man is trying to make her reach orgasm.

Then you will ask yourself the ultimate goal of making out. The goal is satisfaction, whether through orgasm or squirting. I’m trying not to separate the two. Whichever way you make her enjoy it is what counts because some women may never, never squirt, but they will be able to reach orgasm.

PT: So all women can reach orgasm and not all women will squirt?

Mr Harrison: Thank you, that’s the word, will.

Not all women will squirt, but it’s possible for every woman to squirt. This is simply because some men are not patient with their wives to help them get to that point.

If it takes a scale of 1 to 10 to squirt, some men can only manage themselves because of the intense pressure and pleasure to reach five, and the woman needs to get to 10 to squirt.

Whereas some women can not squirt with just penetration. Some women can only squirt through tickling or stimulating their clitoris. Some men will not want to do that. They will tell you it’s forbidden. Some men will not want to give a woman head or suck a woman’s clitoris. They will tell you it’s forbidden.

So please, my ultimate advice is to focus on what will satisfy their partners. Whatever can give her pleasure should be the ultimate goal.

PT: What’s the difference between squirting and orgasm? And what’s the impact of both?

Mr Harrison: Most women don’t end up squirting because they feel they are about to urinate. It’s like urine, but it’s not urine. So some of them are afraid of urinating when they are making out, but they are almost at the point of squirting because the pleasure is so high.

So, the difference between squirting and orgasm is that orgasm is the point where you reach the peak of pleasure. Where you are so high within the intensity of the pleasure that makes you release what you may not even see, it takes you to a peak. It gets you to a level where you feel you have had enough of it, and you can’t take more, and that is when these women release inside, but you don’t get to see it, or you don’t see a mess like the liquid that can come from squirting, creating a mess on the bed.

What happens at that point is that these women will be able to say stop. That’s where, most times, when they reach climax, they push you off and say stop, or when a man reaches climax. But the squirting is the liquid that you see that comes out.

PT: Does the size of a penis matter?

Mr Harrison: For me, I don’t think there is a loose vagina. I feel every shoe will be different in size. Every vagina has size. If I have tiny feet, I can call the feet of a giant a shoe that is too big because it doesn’t fit, but most people complain about the size of their penis, and they fail to realise that every shoe has its size. The reason so many men complain about the size of their penis is that they don’t look for the style that favours what they carry.

I don’t believe God makes mistakes. I believe God has given us that which is perfect for us. So, regardless of the size of the penis, men should focus on how to use it rather than the size. So many women still complain about the size of the penis if it is too big because it will cause discomfort. It will create tears. They don’t enjoy it.

PT: What is your advice for a man that has a small penis?

Mr Harrison: So my best advice for a man that has a small penis is that he should do what we call the shawarma style, not doggy style. I call it shawarma style. So if the woman sits like she’s about to do missionary but she bends over, then the vagina will be facing the sky. Then the man can lay his penis in between. When he lays it in between, whether you go in deep or not, even by just sliding it between the layers of the opening of the vagina to touch the tip of the clitoris, this woman can even reach climax.

So sometimes it’s not about the size. It is about what you do with the penis. So men should focus more on learning how to use their penis rather than complaining about the size.

PT: What are your thoughts on penis enlargement?

Mr Harrison: I don’t encourage men to enlarge their penis because it gets to stress the blood vessels in their penis and the arteries. It is the blood that flows to the penis that makes it have a firm erection. If you worry by enlarging it, you are stressing the blood vessels to enlarge themselves. Guess what happens? Over time, it can make that penis not to be getting as much blood as it should be getting, and that’s why you see so many men who have struggled with doing everything possible to enlarge their penis. I am not in support of penis enlargement.

PT: How can wives achieve orgasm during sex, and how can husbands help?

Mr Harrison: The easiest way to make a woman reach climax or reach a point of no return is to make her comfortable; that’s the first step. Make her comfortable regardless of the size of your penis.

When a woman is comfortable with you, all her defences will drop, and she can rest in your arms without fear. If that happens, she will allow you to explore. You need to have a strong relationship before you make a woman comfortable enough to speak out and tell you what she wants and how.

Another way is to ask her what she wants; you can’t make a woman comfortable overnight. It takes time for a woman to become entirely comfortable with a man even when they are married, and that can only happen when you both have conversations about sex in a friendly manner.

You can sit together and talk freely without fear of being judged. You are already preparing her for satisfaction in the other room, and if that happens, men still need to know that a woman knows her body more than any man would see a woman’s body.

Most men can not last more than one minute because they have not trained themselves to be patient to seek pleasure.

PT: What advice can you give men to make them last longer to enable satisfaction for the woman?

Mr Harrison: So men who complain that they suddenly discover that after erection, they end up having weak erection is simply because you have not built your mind and your penis to a level where you can easily control the pressure and the pleasure that you are experiencing in terms of giving a woman pleasure.

So I recommend that no matter how bad things are, forget what you have there and work on your body. The longer you stay, the stronger your penis. Then when you can make a woman even bring that water after touching her body for 20 minutes, and she’s all vibrating, and there’s juice coming out from her vagina. Even if you go inside for only five minutes, she no longer cares because you have taken her to paradise from cloud nine. So, how long you stay is no longer a problem.

Another piece of advice I will give is if the woman likes doggy style, be very careful of that ‘woo woo woo!’ Simply because it can make you reach a point of no return too fast because by the time the buttocks touch you, and the coldness of the buttocks vibrates on your hips and your waistline, before you know what is happening, you will reach a point of no return too fast. So this is what you should do: you need to play tricks on your mind.

This is a strategy that I’ve used that has worked for me. I’ve recommended it for men, and they are happy about it, and it will work for any man. The moment you are about to do doggy, don’t rest on your toes; when you rest on your toes when you are doing the doggy style, guess what happens? You are applying pressure to your toes. Your brain will want to focus on where the pressure is rather than where the pleasure is on your waistline.

So, as you go in and out of Madam, your brain bypasses that place to focus on where the pressure is on your toes. So it’s like when you pinch yourself now, your senses will automatically drive straight to that point of pain. That can give you a chance to satisfy madam better because most women will not reach climax or reach orgasm through penetration from the back in terms of doggy style, but it is lovely. It can help them enjoy it more.

It can heighten their desire and their pleasure till you turn them over and dig deeper to make them reach climax. But that point that can make them enjoy it more can weaken you. That is why I recommend that you don’t rest on your feet fully; you rest on your toes to distract your brain from the pleasure and the pressure.

PT: Is there any sex position that guarantees orgasm for women?

Mr Harrison: I don’t think there is a particular position that would favour a woman when it comes to intercourse simply because all women are different. You cannot use what works for Nkechi for Caro because their hormones and bodies are different. So you should find out the sweet position for him; when you discover it, you will intensify your efforts. Every woman’s position is different, so look for the position that sweetens the woman more.

So it’s easier to satisfy them by doing the style that allows the penis to touch the clitoris very well because they are not circumcised; they will feel the sensation so much. That is why you see some married men telling you my wife does not reach climax; my wife does not enjoy sex. You don’t know it’s because she was circumcised, so she does not feel the sensation.

My advice is if you notice that the position a particular person likes is not your best position because it makes the thing too sweet for you as a man, oga, be careful; if not, you will ejaculate too fast. That is why every man should pray that the one favouring his wife should also favour him. If the one favours her is missionary style, and you just go in, and the thing is too sweet for you, some men come too fast. That is why you should start with the one favouring you and end with the one favouring her.