INTIMATE AFFAIRS: How to cope when there’s no man in your life, By Funke Egbemode

We all experience it at one point or the other, that dry season when a woman is simply totally ‘manless’. The men can’t find you or you can’t find them. What you choose to do with this break now depends on you but I can tell you for free that your life does not have to come to an end just because you are single. Why? Because being alone does not necessarily mean you have to be lonely. You can be single and happy. You can be without a boyfriend and still be good. You just need to look on the bright side and enjoy your man-vacation time.

I know there are some girls who would rather be in a bad relationship than be single because they don’t think they are complete without a man in their lives. Excuse me? Men are great to have around and indeed heavenly when the guy makes you happy but when you begin to think your life is empty because there is no man in it, that’s when to start worrying. And yeah, that’s what this is about.
Enjoy the other people in your life.
You are in-between relationships, not dead. See it as a break, a vacation and enjoy it. Open your eyes and arms and embrace your friends and family. Hang out more with the girls. Do the aso ebi thing and go do owambe. The next guy may not want so many people in your life. He may want to keep you totally for himself. You know how they are when they are hot and needy, right? Go spend weekends with your parents and catch up on childhood stories with your siblings. Trust me, when you are ‘coupled up’ again, sibling time will virtually disappear.

Go on, fix your own bulbs. Of course, women think there are things around the house that only men should attend to but that’s just a big myth. Take this single season to discover that you can actually buy your own bulbs and fix them. You can ask your mechanic questions and get to know your car better. You can eat out and enjoy the solitude. You can ask a colleague to hang out with you. And those other things you can do to please yourself. And you know what, the next guy will inherit a stronger smarter girl instead of a needy sniffling one.
Rebuild your economy. There is no better time than now to reevaluate your life and values. Sure, it’s easy to let a rich guy pick your bills and generally spoil you but when he moves on, and he will at some point, what then? You start looking for a replacement? What does that make you? Now that you are unencumbered, dust yourself and build a career or business. You will look back and thank me for telling you this.

Dudes don’t guarantee happiness. Being in a relationship isn’t going to necessarily make you happy. You know as much as I do that there are a dozen women who are in relationships that have them pulling their hairs and crying into their pillows. The men are cheating on them or are abusive. How are those miserable ones better than you? No way, because having a man in your life does not guarantee happiness. So, stop equating relationship with happiness. You can be manlessly happy because your happiness actually depends on you, not on any silver-tongued man and his six-pack.
Spread your wings and do something new.
Once there is a man in your life, your life changes. You have to accommodate him and what he wants. Sometimes, you’re even restricted by what he wants to do. So, now you are single, enjoy it to the fullest. Go to the movie in the morning instead of in the evening. Eat in bed. Go on trips with your friends. Take up extra responsibilities and more hours at work. Push your career boundaries. You don’t have to worry about your man feeling left out. Explore new hobbies. There’s so much you need to do before the next guy shows up with his own version of the ten commandments.

If you are waiting for someone else to make you happy, you are setting up yourself for misery. Your happiness is your business. Indeed, it has been said that happiness is a decision. You must be determined to do things that gladdens your heart and go right ahead and do it. Come to think of it, have you asked yourself why so many married women are sad and suicidal if being with a man guarantees happiness? Don’t you know at least a dozen women who’d jump out of their marriages if not for what the society would say? No man can make you happy if you are not a happy person. Don’t set yourself up for disappointment. Take responsibility for yourself, your state of mind. If you’re not happy with you, you’ll never be happy with a man. A man can only add to your happiness but you can’t saddle him with the entire responsibility of your happiness.

Think of all the stress in your last two relationships and compare it with the peace and tranquility of having only to worry about yourself. Nobody reading meanings into even what you have not said. Remember how you used to wonder and worry if his sister or friends would approve of you and if you said the right things when you met his mum for the first time. Right now, all that is absent. No drama, no stress. Just bask in it. While it lasts, that ix.

One of the best things about being single is you can dress to please only yourself. If you don’t want to wear makeup, then you don’t wear it. You don’t have to spend 60 minutes wondering if the dress you prefer shows too much cleavage or too little, or if the pants are too clingy. You can wear what you want when you want it. Without a man, you could spend a week in the same clothes without a shower if you want. You can wear your comfortable black bra for two weeks. Who will know when there is no boyfriend ‘doing general checking’. Not that I recommend any of those, but you get my drift. You get to dress for you, not someone else. Just imagine it: long cotton old nightdress, no sexy lingerie or lacy and tight bra! And you can eat in bed and fart all you want too.

Life is a great journey involving so many things and you are at the center of it. You do not have to make it all about finding a man, really. Let the guys do the hunting until it becomes absolutely inevitable for you to go hunting. And if there is an interlude, just turn it into a man-vacation. Enjoy your ‘manless’ season thoroughly. Some of us will find a man along the way and it’ll add to our happiness. Others will stay single and other things will make them just as happy. Just don’t deny yourself happiness because society says every woman must have a man in her life. There’s nobody called society and it is your life to live as you deem fit.