NNPC and those who plan to “remove” Tinubu, By Reuben Abati

“With all these problems that we are facing in Nigeria, why would the President buy a new Tokunbo Presidential jet? Why would a member of the National Assembly of Nigeria collect as much as N21 million per month at a time NNPC Ltd says it is facing financial constraints?”

“Hello, Bros. Hello. Hello. Hello.”

“Yes. I can hear you.”

“Which kin thing be this now? I don dey call you since, you no pick call. Person go dey call you, you no go pick.”

“At your level, you should know that if you call somebody once or twice and the phone rings, the best thing to do is to leave a message and expect the person to call back.”

“I called you up to ten times.”

“Why? Once you call a person twice, leave a message or send a text. Do I owe you money? You Nigerians do not know how to use a phone. You think if you call me, I must answer you compulsorily. I do not respond to such calls. All the people who call me up and down are people who want to beg for money. In this Tinubu Nigeria, if you call me and up and down, I won’t answer. I may even block your line because the desperation is a serious signal that a hungry Nigerian is calling me. I did not cause inflation oh, let nobody come and disturb me. All of you who voted for APC in 2015, 2019 and 2023, carry your cross. Do you know some people even have the effrontery to come and ask me to help pay for their wives’ hospital bills in the maternity ward. If you have enough strength to impregnate a woman, when it is nine months and the result comes out, carry your own cross. The notice is long enough. I don’t want to hear that nonsense about helping the neighbour. Neighbour wey no get common sense.”

“So, am I one of those persons who will disturb you for hospital bills? When person call you, make you pick.”

“I dey unavailable that time. Davido says I am unavailable. Dem no dey see me. The network must have told you that the line you were calling was not available at the time. So, what’s up, Omo? I have a busy day.”

“Have you seen what I am seeing in the papers today? They say NNPC Limited is facing financial strain, financial pressure and that is why there is fuel scarcity, and long queues. NNPC says it is overburdened by debt obligations running into about $6.8 billion.”

“I thought they said it was weather and bad roads causing the fuel supply disruptions, and that even if they were owing, it is in the nature of the business to source credit.”

“We are in September. The weather condition will soon change from rainy season to dry season in Nigeria. There is a limit to which anyone can blame the weather and the roads. The truth has now been let out of the bag. My question to you is what do you think this implies?”

“It is obvious. NNPCL is the breadwinner of Nigeria. If the company says it is under financial pressure, it is as good as saying that Nigeria is financially bankrupt. When you link that to the fact that NNPCL is the sole importer of finished products in the downstream sector, it means that NNPC Limited has no money to import more PMS, and that would create supply problems and translate into fuel scarcity and longer queues at the fuel stations. Very simple.”

“Nigeria produces over 1.3 million barrels of crude per day. How is that possible? NNPC Limited can sell crude and make money.”

“Sorry. Your 1.3 million, 1.4 million barrels have already been used to take loans upfront from Afrexim Bank and other sources. You produce the crude; you use it to pay existing debts. It is a perfect storm.”

“But what of the plan to have an Operation and Maintenance concession with private investors at the Warri and Kaduna Refineries?”

“It is called O and M. If you are an investor, I ask you, will you go and invest your resources in the same refineries that the Nigerian Government has not been able to fix in the past 20 years? Not even the Chinese, who are looking for every possible opportunity in Africa, will go near that. Why do you think the multinationals are very careful with Nigeria and some of them are using style, style to reduce their risk margins in Nigeria? A country that cannot protect its biggest assets cannot be trusted. Investors look at risk factors. And I don’t think that refineries should be for concession. They should be privatised. Or sold as scrap. The Nigerian Government cannot run refineries.”

“President Tinubu is in China. He is talking to the Chinese, looking for more investments. We pray that he succeeds at the Forum for China-Africa Co-operation (FOCAC).”

“I hear everybody is in China too, with some of your Ministers behaving like they have seen Heaven, the same Heaven that they cannot create here in Nigeria.”

“Don’t mind those ones. Very soon there will be a cabinet reshuffle and they will be sent out.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“I am not sure of anything. I just think that the President should return to the country to address the many matters arising. He is the Minister of Petroleum, and the fuel queues have not disappeared. There is flooding in many of the states.”

“The President does not have to be on the ground for the country to run properly. That is why he has appointed people to do the job. The fuel scarcity issue is simple. I wish the government can deal with all the rent collectors in the oil and gas sector. They are the ones causing the problems and they are all over the system. The fuel marketers. The fuel depot owners. The middlemen. The thieves. Tinubu did not cause the crisis. This is one of those things that Tinubu inherited. He is trying to clear the rot in the land. His situation is compounded by the fact that he is coming as President after eight years of Buhari, whose government is remembered for its sleep-walking for eight years!”

‘Buhari. Hmm. Have you noticed that since he left office more than one year ago, nobody, I mean nobody, I mean no institution or platform anywhere in the world, has invited him to come and give a lecture on any subject, not even cattle rearing? Even his Vice President gets invited all over the world. President Jonathan has been busy virtually every month since he left office in 2015. President Tinubu has a lot to worry about taking over from Buhari.”

“I am hearing that the Federal Government may increase the fuel price. The Minister of State for Petroleum has said that PMS must be sold above the landing cost, at the open market price, to stop smuggling and ensure sustainable fuel supply.”

“One, I don’t think the fuel subsidy regime, which government had to go back to, is sustainable. It only benefits the rent collectors of Nigeria. Two, I am worried about fuel price going through the roof. What would be the open market price of PMS? N2,000 per litre?”

“People are already buying fuel at over N1,000 per litre.”

“We have issues with foreign exchange. If we don’t strengthen the naira, people will groan.”

“As an economist, I think the pain may be for about two months, then things will stabilise and the market will adjust and self-correct.”

“Please leave economics out of this matter. No economic theory works in Nigeria. When prices go up in this environment, they refuse to come down and the government will be confronted with another problem.”

“But I hear the Dangote Refinery has started production, up to about 70 to 80 per cent. If they pressurise the refinery further, production levels for PMS could reach 90 per cent.”

“What you do not know is that Dangote Refinery is a private business. Oil business is international. Dangote Refinery is not a charity outfit. They will sell at open market price and in any case NNPC limited has not yet reached an agreement with the Refinery as to how much fuel should be sold.”

“Are we helpless then? Will fuel price go up?”

“Things will get worse before they get better.”

“But how about this thing I am hearing that one British national, Andrew Wynne is working with some other persons to remove Tinubu. The Police have declared a certain Drew Povey, also a Briton, wanted for subversive activities against Tinubu’s government. Povey is accused of renting a space at Labour House in Abuja as a cover for his activities, which includes the funding of protests to create anarchy in Nigeria.”

“The same Povey says he has been running an innocent business in Nigeria for about seven years and that he has never done anything wrong.”

“A sleeper cell in Labour House, shortly after the NLC President was invited by the Police for terrorism related issues? I sense something here. But my position, Bros, is that nobody should ever think of talking about removing Tinubu’s government. Britons coming to Nigeria to remove government? That would be pure madness. Anybody that tries any nonsense. No, it is not even trying, if anybody gets so reckless as to think of it, that person and his or her collaborators should be summarily executed. When a Northerner was in power, nobody talked about removing anybody. Now that it is our turn, some animals are talking about removing. This country belongs to all of us. Whoever is frustrated, hungry or angry should wait till the general elections in 2027, and make a choice at the polling station.”

“I agree with you. The Nigerian Military has also pledged their loyalty to the President and the Nigerian state. Even the Police.”

“The Police have no option. The retirement age for policemen has just been extended by the Senate from 60 to 65 years. The IGP, Kayode Egbetokun has been granted a grace period of four more years.”

“Well, well, well. I really don’t have a problem with that. The extension is not for Egbetokun alone. Other policemen will benefit from it, and every government has a right and the privilege to adopt its own directions. In the UK, Sir Keir Starmer wants to stop winter fuel privileges. He wants to introduce a more stringent tax regime. The only thing that bothers me is that I know one police officer who is always terrorising other people, threatening to lock people up. What this new law means is that he would spend more time wearing the police uniform. Useless man.”

“The general belief out there is that the retirement age for policemen was revised just to keep Egbetokun as Inspector General of Police. He is a Tinubu man, they say. And Tinubu wants his own person in that office.”

“I don’t get it. If you are President, will you as Tinubu appoint Peter Obi’s person or Atiku’s person as IGP? These are commonsense things. What we should expect is performance and better quality from the Nigeria Police Force.”

“You know what I am thinking?”

“What?”

“With all these problems that we are facing in Nigeria, why would the President buy a new Tokunbo Presidential jet? Why would a member of the National Assembly of Nigeria collect as much as N21 million per month at a time NNPC Ltd says it is facing financial constraints?”

“You have a point. Nigerian leaders should be seen to identify with the people. Yes. But purchase of PMS is not the same as buying a presidential jet or the N21 million that Senators collect. It doesn’t show on them anyway. Many of these our lawmakers look miserable.”

“It is just that I expect higher standards of conduct.”

“From who? From Comrade Senator Adams Oshiomhole for example?”

“Ha. Comrade oh Comrade. I am his fan oh. And I like his contributions on the floor of the Senate. His intervention on the National Anthem issue. His request that the Nigerian military must account for all the money that they collected to fight terrorism and banditry. But Comrade drop person hand oh, with his attack on Mrs Betsy Obaseki, the wife of Governor Obaseki of Edo State, publicly calling her a barren woman, and asking the couple why they have failed to adopt a child.”

“I was shocked too. When did Comrade Oshiomhole become a family planning expert. And who ask am question? Wetin concern am?”

“He was actually defending the APC Gubernatorial candidate in Edo State, Senator Monday Okpebholo, after Mrs Obaseki, while introducing Mrs Ifeyinwa Ighodalo to the women electorate in Ubiaja, South East Local Government, said that it is only the PDP candidate that has a wife among all the gubernatorial aspirants in Edo State. She did not mention anybody’s name.”

“Having a wife or a child is not a pre-requisite for becoming a Governor. There is no such thing in the Nigerian Constitution. But even if the innuendo lands perfectly where it is targeted, what is Oshiomhole’s own in the matter? We hear more from him than from the APC candidate himself. He has become Okpebholo’s spokesman and campaign manager. I sympathise with the people of Edo State. Instead of their politicians talking about issues – how to fix roads, generate employment, create jobs, promote prosperity, what we now hear is gutter politics – who has a wife who does not have, who has children, who does not have. Who has DSTV, who does not. Terrible.”

“I think the Comrade Senator owes the Obasekis an apology. Politics or no politics, there are things an elder should not say. When JD Vance, Donald Trump’s running mate in the US election played the same fertility card referring to Kamala Harris as a “childless cat”, there was an uproar. There must be decorum in politics.”

“Sometimes I actually think that the whole world is going mad. Look at what the South Africans did to Chidinma Adesina. They pursued her out of the Miss South Africa Beauty Pageant. They threw all kinds of things at her: They said she was married or divorced, the organisers said it did not matter, they said her mother is an identity thief and that she is actually from Mozambique. Nobody remembered that Nelson Mandela, father of modern South Africa also married a former First Lady from Mozambique. When Chidinma was invited to participate in the Miss Universe pageant in Nigeria, South African netizens pursued her still. They gave their votes to Miss Kwara. But in the end Miss Chdinma Adesina emerged victorious. A very big story about xenophobia, national identity politics, Nigeria South Africa relations and the love-hate relationship between the peoples of both countries.”

“Quite a moving human story. Congratulations to Chdinma Adesina. Thanks to all the fans who gave her the 15, 482 votes that brought her victory. Perhaps not everyone is going crazy. Some people will always stand by you, no matter what.”

“What do you think of Nyesom Wike saying he would fight anybody that supports Governor Fubara of Rivers state, be such a person a Governor of another state or anybody at all?”

“Please, Bros, I think my phone is out of credit. I sincerely do not want to discuss Wike.”

Reuben Abati, a former presidential spokesperson, writes from Lagos.