What Sustains Marriage: Friendship, Money Or Love?

MARRIAGE is a formal union between a man and woman which is recognised by custom, religion and law. Our discussion for this edition will be based on love, friendship and money in relation to marriage. Love , Friendship and money are three things that individuals feel strongly about. A lot of relationships are started because of the need for either of them. Now the question to be trashed is which one of the three ’ should be regarded as the key to a successful marriage.

It is no longer news that the belief system held by many tilts to the fact that love is everything in marriage.  This has made many fall for love – that means different things to different individuals.

The result of this can be seen in the different love languages that exist in relationships and marriages. While we agree that  Love matters , its important to consider the fact that it can be weakened by ups and downs of life, even when ‘for better, for worse’ is stated thus.

This begs for an answer as to what really sustains marriages,  if it is love more or even friendship?

The dictionary defines Love as “a strong affection for or attachment or devotion to a person or persons”.

Interestingly, while some couples believe that Love and friendship hold the union wonderfully together. Others have argued that they impact differently .

Well, LEADERSHIP Sunday is of the view that one of the reasons why most couples  ended up getting married is because they turned out to be good friends. Friendship leads to love. You can’t love someone all of a sudden if they are not your friend. Love is important, but friendship fuels love. The most important thing is friendship, then love will come naturally. When a husband is his wife’s best friend, they will hardly go wrong. Yeah, both are possible.

There are situations where people skip the friendship process and go to the dating stage immediately before then getting married. And there are some instances people take the right and almost flawless part of being friends before going to the altar. But if we look at it critically, you would agree that the best marriage time has seen is those people who became couple after being good friends. They rarely have problems with each other and it make their union strong. On the other hand, people that jump the process and move to the marriage phase have the highest number of troubles in their union. There are instances all round to back these assertions.

A relationship expert, Mr. Eyo Akabom, popularly known as “ Love Doctor’ says that happy marriages are based on deep friendship. Friendship is actually at the core of a strong marriage, and if there’s a high-quality friendship in a marriage there is likely to be a high level of romantic and physical satisfaction. When we are friends, we look forward to spending time together, and when we genuinely like each other, we get more out of our life experiences because we have an emotional connection with the person who is sharing them.

In the ups and downs of married life, it’s a good principle to remind ourselves that we are friends. It’s not just because we laugh together, sometimes hurt each other, have fun together and share interests. It’s because, at the end of the day, we know that when trouble comes there is someone who has got our back, someone who is there for us come what may

Actress Simone Signoret described it like this: ‘Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is thread, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. That is what makes a marriage last – more than passion or even sex.’

For those who choose  money over love and friendship, they strongly believe that no one goes into marriage thinking that love alone will sustain it. For them, wealth is very important in any relationship.

A respondent, Mrs Amaka Emerie had this to say, “When you have financial problems, you are most likely to fight with your spouse or partner. So you see even those so-called suckers for love consider the money factor before they walk down that proverbial aisle.

“So what is the point in holding it against one who settles for money over love. What makes my choice any stranger than theirs?

My mother once told me “Smart women think more about the long run than the short term. Marriage is a long-term investment” and you definitely need to make that long term worth your while.

“Frankly I don’t mind being bought and sold; marriage itself is a transaction. I don’t expect a Mercedes, or anything of that sort. The marriage will still have problems, money or no money, so why not?”

This assertion does have a true undertone to it. Many young people rush into marriage these days with the notion that love will conquer it all. But that is an erroneous belief.

The divorce rate tells it all. Love fades, sex stops or greatly diminishes for most people eventually, and romance goes by the wayside (short run). Even the economic meltdown today can conquer the love that you both once shared. “ She concluded .

Mrs. Roberta Emmanuel Major had this to say; “Money cannot buy love, but money increases the chances of finding love, and love decreases the need for money.

A higher income is associated with less daily sadness but not more daily happiness. A partner should not be a means for your success, but one with whom you share joint flourishing.

Nothing in life is free.

“Marrying him just for the money means you have been bought and sold. He will expect a certain level of performance from his new acquisition (not just sex) or you will be out the door.”

In a nutshell, I think all these and more will eventually make your marriage a happy and successful one.

Love is a very important issue in marriage; love comes first in any healthy relationship. Love is a behavior. A relationship thrives when partners are committed to behaving lovingly through continual, unconditional giving. Intimate love emanates from knowledge and giving, it comes not overnight but overtime which nearly always means after marriage. The intensity many couples feel before marrying is usually great affection boosted by commonality, chemistry and anticipation.

Love should be the criteria for marriage, when there is true love in a marriage, the marriage brings mutual comfort and each member of the family grow as a person in love and security. Loving someone and being in loved brings happiness. Love is essential to the human race. We need to help each other, cooperate with each other, and reaffirm each other. Love finds its natural and proper expression in the union of two persons.

On the other hand , ‘Money’ can be described as “a person’s wealth, including properties”. Money is an aspect of marriage which must not be neglected.

The main purpose of money in marriage is to provide for the family, have control over the family and make the family comfortable. Money has answers to all things, likewise money is the root of all evil, money has become reason why people kill, steal and destroy. There are so many cases where spouse betray and even kill one another for money; in such marriages do you think love was the foundation or money. Money is one thing that cannot be taken out of marriage. Money fuels the love one has for a spouse.

For most marriages, money has the main contention as some people say ‘no money, no love’, money prevail love in today’s society but come to think of it, for instance, it is believed that you can get all you want through money, money can generate love but can it buy love?. If love is like religion, then it cannot be bought nor can it be negotiated and compromised, Love seems to be similar to both, but identical to either.

Money is still very essential in marriage because with money you can finance the family, make connections for the family and also make lovely home. But if money is said to answer all things ‘why do you think we have high rate of divorce among the rich families?’

The role of money in generating or in transacting loving relationships is expressed, for example, in the content of personal advertisement seeking romantic partners, thus, the requirement that prospective partners are financially secure is often mentioned in adverts placed by women.

Agreeing with various opinions, love is said to come first in any relationship, so it should be the most paramount criteria for successful marriage. Following the views, love should not be one-sided which means that “love is like a rubber band held at both ends by two people and when one leaves it hurts the other”.

Despite all that have been discussed, the decision still depends on individual. Love, accompanied with understanding and a bit of adjustment, makes a marriage go a long way, with money to handle the cost of transportation, of course. The two aspects, love and money is a decision you cannot make for any one depending on the relationship.