Article of Faith: The relative and the absolute marriage, By Femi Aribisala

The Christian marriage is no longer till death do us part. It is now till divorce do us part.

 I wrote a book entitled: Why Christians Won’t Go to Heaven. Some Christians complained that my book is too absolute. They said I should have written: “Why Some Christians Won’t Go to Heaven.” No, I replied. I mean no Christian will go to heaven. Christianity is not a criterion for heaven. Then, I wrote an article entitled “Christians Make Terrible Husbands.” Some self-righteous Christian husbands shot back saying I should have said: “Some Christian Make Terrible Husbands.” No!  No!  No!  I mean “all Christian husbands.”

God’s prophetic word is appropriately expressed in absolute terms. Jesus says: “The sons of the kingdom will be cast out into outer darkness. There will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.” (Matthew 8:12). He does not say “some of the sons of the kingdom.” It is not the job of the prophet to give you the option whereby you can exclude yourself from his prophecy.

Option of Divorce

Man specialises in turning the God’s truth into a lie. Take, for example, the question of divorce. Moses knew God is against divorce. Nevertheless, he permitted the Israelites to divorce their wives. What gave Moses such audacity?   

Jesus says: “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.” (Matthew 19:9).

God’s command on the question of divorce is absolute; but man turned it into a relative command. When the disciples discovered that God is absolutely against divorce, they replied: “If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” (Matthew 19:10). In short, they would rather not marry than obey God in marriage.

But if we don’t marry, we are confronted with another absolute commandment. We must not have sex outside of marriage. We must not fornicate. What then is the way out? Sin!

Relative Marriages

Most Christians contract relative marriages, even though the marriage covenant is couched in absolute terms. When we say: “for better, for worse; for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health,” we are speaking absolutely and not relatively. Nevertheless, we retain the option of divorce if things get worse or poorer.

When we quarrel one year down the road, we play the divorce card. But if divorce were an option in God’s plan for marriage, He would not have asked Hosea to marry a prostitute. As to be expected, Hosea’s prostitute wife was unfaithful to him. She even had children by other men. Nevertheless, divorce was not an option for Hosea.

In short, the Christian marriage has become a farce. We talk the talk but do not walk the walk. We make the absolute commitment, even before God, knowing full well we have no intention of keeping it. We promise to be faithful; “forsaking all others,” but have no qualms whatsoever about having affairs. We even have one or two children out of wedlock.  

We promise to love and to cherish, yet we are not averse to beating up our wives, sometimes to the point of hospitalisation. No wonder then that the Christian marriage is no longer till death do us part. It is now till divorce do us part. It is till problems do us part, or till economic adversity do us part, or till the bondwoman do us part.

As usual, Jesus foresaw all this hypocrisy. He would not have us deceive ourselves by signing a legal agreement, or by going before a pastor and a church to make our marriage binding. Precisely because we choose to swear the oath of marriage, that implies we are not trustworthy and cannot trust others. In the scriptures, marriages were not determined by oaths, but by sexual intercourse.

Jesus says: “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not swear falsely, but shall perform your oaths to the Lord.’ But I say to you, do not swear at all: neither by heaven, for it is God’s throne; nor by the earth, for it is His footstool; nor by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King. Nor shall you swear by your head, because you cannot make one hair white or black. But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” (Matthew 5:33-37).

Rationalising Absolutes

Christians specialise in converting God’s absolutes to man’s relatives. A famous Nigerian pastor was divorced from his wife. He then committed adultery by remarrying a divorced woman. Nevertheless, he told his congregation that “the Holy Spirit” ministered to him that his new wife had never been married before. The woman who was married before is dead and this newly-married wife is born again. So, old things are passed away (including her previous marriage), behold, all things have become new. (2 Corinthians 5:17).

Paul’s scriptures are often twisted by those inclined to contradict Jesus. Sometimes, people use Paul to lose complete sight of Jesus. When you quote Jesus to them, they accuse you of heresy. One pastor with a vested interest said forbidding a Christian to remarry because he is divorced is a doctrine of demons. Where does he get this from? Paul says: “The Spirit expressly says that in latter times some will depart from the faith, giving heed to deceiving spirits and doctrines of demons, speaking lies in hypocrisy, having their own conscience seared with a hot iron, forbidding to marry.” (1 Timothy 4:1-3).

When queried by a journalist about his remarriage after divorce, a famous Nigerian pastor had this to say:  

“Some argue that the Bible says you must remain unmarried for as long as your spouse is alive… The bible doesn’t say so. It doesn’t say so. I think a lot of people don’t study the Word of God enough. There is a difference between a man who marries a woman and the woman leaves him and the one that divorces. There are so many people who are parading themselves as preachers of the scriptures who don’t know the Bible enough, particularly in the area of marriage.”

Absolute Marriage

However, marriage is God’s institution. It is not man-made. God’s marriage plan is absolute; there is no divorce. It is till death do us part. Indeed, everything about God’s concept of marriage is absolute. God’s absolute marriage has one prototype. It is between Adam and Eve. It is not between Adam and Steve.

Under what circumstances is it lawful for a man to hate his wife? 

Under absolutely no circumstances! 

Under what circumstances is it lawful for a man to beat his wife or for a wife to slap her husband? 

Under absolutely no circumstances!  

Under what circumstances is it lawful for a husband or a wife to commit adultery? 

Under absolutely no circumstances!

Under what circumstances is it lawful for a husband and wife to abuse one another? 

Under absolutely no circumstances! 

Under what circumstances is it lawful for a husband and wife to deceive one another? 

Under absolutely no circumstances! 

Under what circumstances is it lawful for a husband to kiss his wife? 

Under absolutely all circumstances!

Faribisala@yahoo.com; www.femiaribisala.com