Baltasars, moral responsibility and the marriage institution, By Falilat Adetoun Olaoye

Before Baltasar, marriage bashing on social media and in real time was already becoming worrisome. There is no doubt that in our new world, many live double lives, such that would make Baltazar’s a child’s play in comparison. There are well-placed individuals with families who are addicted to escorts and prostitutes. Married men having affairs with other people’s wives, and married female employees willingly surrendering to their male bosses.

Sex-mad Equatorial Guinea anti-corruption czar Baltasar Egonga recently became a social media sensation after hundreds of video tapes featuring him in action with different women came online. Those who could look at them described a new depth to depravity.

However, the scandal provoked diverse opinions, with some commentators wondering why the man was being projected as a demon. After all, he only slept with consenting women, and he didn’t kill anyone. Hmmm…

And as if to cut the man some slack, videos soon emerged of his wife’s version of the escapade! So, was this merely a family’s sick game or a rite in their tiny country?

Whatever the case was, it offered all of us some lessons.

Before Baltasar, marriage bashing on social media and in real time was already becoming worrisome. There is no doubt that in our new world, many live double lives, such that would make Baltazar’s a child’s play in comparison. There are well-placed individuals with families who are addicted to escorts and prostitutes. Married men having affairs with other people’s wives, and married female employees willingly surrendering to their male bosses.

Baltasar and his women have given the world concrete evidence of all that could go on behind closed doors. We now hear sweeping statements that women are not to be trusted and that all of them are promiscuous. We are now told that trust and loyalty in marriage have become old-fashioned.

The result is that potential couples are now hesitant, and where they go ahead, there is mutual suspicion from the outset.

Last September, I wrote an article on the effect of social media on today’s youth and how parenting has become more challenging.

Parents are the mirror through which children view the world. But what happens when the mirror is dirty? Like Baltasar and his wife, who have brought shame to their children.

My local church organises seminars and retreats on marriage to strengthen the institution against the strong wind of social trends. However, at these seminars, half of the attendees are on their phones, indicating their level of interest and attention. These efforts are sometimes made futile by wayward parents who quote passages of the scripture that are gentle on the conscience.

Many marriages hit the rocks within a few years; some continue to count years while silently enduring trauma. The hands of marriage counsellors, psychologists, and psychiatrists are full of problems arising from homes.

At the traditional wedding of a family friend’s daughter last December, the father was handed the microphone to pray for the couple. His prayer was that the marriage would be better than their parents’. A pastor beside me said it is better to pray for one’s children by example. The remark left me pondering: How many parents can recommend their marriage or personal life to their children to emulate?

Regardless of what people say on social media, trust and loyalty are still the most important factors in marriage. I recently listened to a podcast in which a man said we all make mistakes. This is true. Everyone has done something we probably wished we hadn’t. The important thing is to accept the mistake and never repeat it. When a wrong is repeated, it becomes a habit.

There are many closet Baltasars out there, some even worse. When we refuse to be accountable and check how our actions affect others, we are bound to keep doing wrong, and in the end, we hurt ourselves.

A lot of heart-wrenching stuff is posted online that exposes toxicity and dysfunction in families. Social media platforms are replete with messages or posts that ooze hate. Those who should build are tearing down. When parents justify bad behaviour, the world is in trouble. We are telling the children that it is all right to do wrong.

To say sexual sin is no sin as long as the person did not kill anyone is forgetting the toll on the family.

Reckless people eventually get exposed, like the Equatorial Guinea man when he least expected it. Parents need to do more for a decent society and future. Immorality should be condemned. Let us rise and be counted!

Falilat Adetoun Olaoye writes from Tanke, Ilorin.