Common mistakes couples make when managing their marital separation

Marriage is a beautiful thing; however, it takes hard work, commitment, and perseverance to love each other unconditionally and to value their relationship too. When couples decide to dissolve their marriage, some would also find it difficult to curtail the impact their decision can have on them and their loved ones, especially their children.

In Nigeria, even though marital separation is on the increase, the likelihood of divorce has become more prevalent today when compared to the times when elderly family members were seen as the voices of reasoning. There are certain mistakes some couples make during the process of separation or divorce which can trigger enormous emotional turmoil, causing extensive impact on them and their families.

Threatening behaviour

Threatening a spouse with separation is a common mistake made by men in many marriages to make their spouse feel vulnerable. Some separations are crucial to the health and well-being of the spouse especially if the marriage has become toxic leaving one person feeling unsafe.

However, the decision to separate might not go down well with one spouse while bringing a huge relief to another depending on where the couple are emotionally at the time. While separating may be a reasonable way to safeguard yourselves, this decision can leave your other half feeling confused, disappointed, rejected, and vulnerable if she is not prepared for this outcome. You must both be able to think through your decision.

Contentious decision

Even though separating from someone you once loved can create a huge vacuum in your life, you may be making a big mistake if you are more eager to go into a new relationship when you have not fully recovered from the last.

Bringing someone else into your life to help you navigate your marital separation can make the situation unnecessarily contentious for the whole family especially if children engage in the process. Children will often experience emotional turbulence at this time wondering why their parents separated and seeing another man or woman parading themselves as their parent’s partner could deepen their apprehensions.

Revengeful and irrational

Marital separation can leave couples feeling angry, bitter, and resentful of one another and some will even go the extra length to disclose confidential information about their spouse to others outside the relationship. Separation can make a spouse become revengeful and irrational in their behaviour toward one another.

Such behaviour can also extend to certain friends and families who the spouse perceived as disloyal and enabling their separation. The breakdown can have a significant impact on other relationships you have both built over the years within and outside your marriage. Some spouses make the grievous mistake of turning their backs on their loved ones.

Falsehood

It is important to understand that children are not born to take responsibility for the failure of the adults in their lives. One of the common mistakes parents make when they are going through a separation is to seek empathy and support from their children which can sometimes make one parent look like a betrayal in the family.

Some parents also share information about their marital challenges with their young children and falsify stories to back up their innocence. Children should not be exposed to information that can have an impact on their emotional health and well-being.