Searching for the crossroads, By Bolutife Oluwadele

Therefore, with the sophistication of many solutions, it is time to find our way back to the crossroads and find problems that match our over-developed solutions. Shouldn’t we leave our ‘evil forest’ and converge at the crossroads? Perhaps, by then, we will genuinely find which direction to go.

Come along with me as we find our ways, possibly to the crossroads.

You may be curious about what we should be doing to get to the crossroads, rather than disengaging from the crossroads. You may also not be alone in this perspective. When we are all scattered around the ‘evil forest’ of non-consensual relationships, perhaps our best bet may be to find our way first to the crossroads. When we get there, we breathe and ask ourselves the simple but tricky question: Where do we go from here? Should we turn left or right or move forward or backward? Or better still, should we find our way back to the ‘evil forest’? After all, the devil you know may be worthier than the saint you do not know.

In Nigeria, we have so many solutions that we need help in generating sufficient problems to engage appropriately. While these solutions have been orphaned for too long, does it not appeal to a sensibility that we quickly create more problems to meet up with them? Success is not ideally expected to be orphaned.

Our number one solution is that we have great potential. If you want to be contemptuous of great potential, think again and ask yourself: why we are called the ‘Giant’ of Africa? Our potential is so enormous that it threatens our bare existence. What is an ordinary moon that we cannot spend our long vacation on, to show how great our potential is? The only problem is that we do not like to show off. It will take only a few seconds for “Kanako” to fly to and return from the moon.

Our second solution is that we like to throw big figures around, imagined or real. How can an officer of a first-generation bank be reported to have bolted away with a paltry sum of a few millions of naira? At least, if we are to eat frogs, they must be the ones with multiple egg-laying capabilities. Thus, it makes sense that we report that a meagre sum of  N4 billion was stolen by a not-too-smart banker, who may have been yet to make it beyond being just an ordinary branch manager in a remote area. Were he to have been where the ‘jollof’ is cooked, he should have aimed for something much higher.

Every Nigerian is an adept football (soccer) coach, wizard financial analyst, distinguished policy formulator, and pundit. Every Nigerian knows how best to run the economy and create happiness for others, while demanding the total veneration of his/her person.

In our dexterity as the ultimate solution providers, we hold firmly that a woman married for two years should ordinarily have taken in. And, before noon the following day, she should have successfully put to bed. “There is nothing that God cannot do.” Okay, it is actually “what God cannot do does not exist.”

Our big masquerades are highly untouchable. They are the de facto Kabiyesis – the very second-in-command to the Supreme Deity. They are capable of doing no wrong. They must be well-fed to be able to think of the best ways to ensure that our belts are not too elastic, to allow for easy tightening wherever it suits them to ask us to comply. We are disgruntled when asking ‘unnecessary’ questions.

One of the most outstanding solutions is that 24 hours is our long-term. Therefore, whatever we cannot see, touch, or feel within 24 hours may actually not exist. In our collective wisdom and learning from the military’s “immediate alacrity,” it is distasteful and ultimately a waste of our precious time asking us to think about a future that is longer than 24 hours.

Only God knows tomorrow!

Profitability is a mirage; paying living wages is more realistic. Why should a worker be concerned about whether or not the business owner makes a profit? That was not part of the bargain. The agreement was for the worker to get paid a certain amount at the end of the month. So far, they show up at work; but how dare you tell an average Nigerian that s/he is unproductive? Nobody is hired to be productive. Everyone is employed to receive an agreed emolument at the end of the month.

Business owners should understand that the law is on the side of public officials, and, therefore, they should worship them and share with them part of the perceived prosperity. “I own my business” is very distasteful to a civil servant, and such arrogance must be rewarded with multiple taxations, the sealing off of business premises, and delay in issuance of permits and licenses. Who made the business owners “Lords of the Manor”? It is not the business of any governmental agency to support their growth. That will make them to be more arrogant.

Our big masquerades are highly untouchable. They are the de facto Kabiyesis – the very second-in-command to the Supreme Deity. They are capable of doing no wrong. They must be well-fed to be able to think of the best ways to ensure that our belts are not too elastic, to allow for easy tightening wherever it suits them to ask us to comply. We are disgruntled when asking ‘unnecessary’ questions. We are sponsored when we try to take inimical action(s) to their comfort and exotic lifestyles.

No government in Nigeria will allow anyone to contemplate, let alone attempt to build another “Tower of Babel.” The readily available weapons of ‘mass destruction,’ the ubiquitous divide-and-rule, are always within the vicinity for easy deployment. Whenever some ‘recalcitrant’ elements gather together to protest or agitate, a counter protest is quickly assembled to dismantle the tower of Babel.

From time to time, they recruit new members who are taught how to maintain table manners, or else they risk being sent back to the ‘wilderness’ of irrelevance. They call for fasting while enjoying delicious buffets.

No government in Nigeria will allow anyone to contemplate, let alone attempt to build another “Tower of Babel.” The readily available weapons of ‘mass destruction,’ the ubiquitous divide-and-rule, are always within the vicinity for easy deployment. Whenever some ‘recalcitrant’ elements gather together to protest or agitate, a counter protest is quickly assembled to dismantle the tower of Babel.

Our banking industry is the best in the world. It makes the highest profits each time the economy is comatose. It is the only sector whose profits swallow inflation, no matter how galloping it becomes. It is the only real sector of the economy.

The informal sector is allowed to change prices as often within an hour as it fancies. Unaccountable, with no records other than the ones residing in the owner’s brain, ‘it sells what they are buying’

Therefore, with the sophistication of many solutions, it is time to find our way back to the crossroads and find problems that match our over-developed solutions. Shouldn’t we leave our ‘evil forest’ and converge at the crossroads? Perhaps, by then, we will genuinely find which direction to go.

Bolutife Oluwadele is a chartered accountant, author, and public policy scholar based in Canada. Email: bolutife.oluwadele@gmail.com